Sea Change

Was it Brexit that turned us collectively insane? Or was the EU referendum a sign that we had already lost our marbles? Whether the chicken laid the egg or the egg gave rise to the chicken, perhaps we’ll never know. In just two weeks, however, Parliament looks set to act in an utterly reckless and crazy way by voting down Theresa May’s proposed withdrawal agreement. After which, we’ll all be running around the farmyard without our heads and the country will be in the biggest clucking mess since World War II. But let’s get one thing straight early on. It’s not actually Theresa May’s deal at all. To describe it that way is entirely misleading. This is the deal that the EU is prepared to offer us. Sure, they might tinker with some of the detail at the margins. But we’re not going to get something fundamentally better than this. That’s because of the power relationships involved. Remember how the crackpot Brexiters promised us that the German car manufacturers would be strapping

As the Good Ship Brexit – holed multiple times beneath the water line – limps to the end of its two-year voyage, four distinct islands are now in view. The first is the one that everyone seems to agree we simply cannot approach. It’s the island favoured by the beleaguered Captain May and, through our telescope, we can just make out the tiny figure of Donald Tusk waving from a crag. Some people think the island is too big. Some think the island is too small. Some believe it to be inhabited by monsters. But all agree it’s a desperate place to head for and they shake their heads at Captain May for her folly. The second potential destination is the one favoured by a group of officer mutineers, who plan to throw the Captain overboard. It’s an island of sunny uplands, where the inhabitants trade freely with neighbouring provinces and business proceeds unfettered by any regulation. If we head there, we’re assured by Lieutenant Boris that grog will be replaced by milk and honey.