I know that
many people rate Jeremy Corbyn’s conversion to ‘a’ customs union as tactically
astute, although let’s get things in perspective. When we see Jez say something
vaguely sensible, we’re inevitably left wondering who could possibly be behind
it. In this instance, the veteran
leftist has been under immense pressure from his backers in the trade unions
and from fellow MPs to align with moderate Tories against the May government.
As
a staging post along the way to a softer Brexit, his pronouncement should, I
suppose, bring some modicum of comfort. But there’s plenty to provoke serious
head-scratching too.
As Lib Dem Leader
Vince Cable pointed out, the UK doesn’t need to be part of ‘a’ customs union.
It needs to be part of the Customs
Union. The one that already exists. The one that the EU negotiators are prepared
to talk about. Not the hypothetical, bespoke arrangement that probably only
exists in the imaginations of wishful thinkers.
And take
this gem from Corbyn’s speech in Coventry. While rightly condemning Brexiters for
their ludicrous bus-side saving of £350m per week to be lavished on the NHS, the
Labour Leader went on to say that his future administration would ‘use funds
returned from Brussels after Brexit to invest in our public services’.
The two
ideas were so close together in the speech that one felt the writer was almost
taking the mickey out of the befuddled Jezster.
‘Let’s slip
it in and see if he notices.’
‘Bet you a
fiver he won’t.’
If Corbyn
wants to reiterate his point in a future oration, I have rewritten it for him
to make it even clearer.
We won’t lie to you about extra money
for public services after Brexit. But we’ll use that extra money we get after
Brexit to fund public services.
Jez, my old
son, we really need to have a chat.
Brexit means
less money.
Reduced
trade. Lower tax take. More austerity.
The sums of
money lost to the economy and the government coffers are likely to dwarf any
notional bonus from cutting ties with Brussels. So your pledges are as bogus as
anything slapped on the side of the Brexiters’ bus in 2016.
And then
there was the interview with his nemesis – the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg.
She asked
him about his personal vision of ‘a’ customs union, where the UK would not be ‘takers
of rules’ but have some influence over decisions and agreements. What would
happen if the EU didn’t go along with this idea and insisted the UK had a relationship
more akin to Turkey’s?
Jez’s answer
was that he’d continue talking ‘because that’s how you reach an agreement’.
She tried
again. It was a little like a school teacher trying to help a pupil with a
maths problem. He’s looking stupid in front of the class, but if she coaxes him
a little more and provides a bit of encouragement, he’ll come into his own and
prove himself.
If the EU
said no to his plans and said we couldn’t have a meaningful say over arrangements,
would he seek to do something else?
Jez replied
that he’d make sure that we had a say over trade relations.
But how would he do that?
Jez said
that it would be through negotiations.
It was
becoming painful. After all, there are only so many times you can confront
someone with the power politics of the negotiations and the fact that the EU
holds all the cards. If they still don’t get it now, 18 months after the
Brexit vote, they’re never going to get it, are they?
Let’s look
at Corbyn’s exact words at this point. They flowed with all the confidence and
coherence of Donald J Trump.
‘Negotations
require an understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of both sides by the
degree of manufacturing industry of agriculture and food industries that
operate on both sides of the channel and also, as I say, we’re not going to
undercut the whole of Europe.’
Gibberish.
Utter, incomprehensible gibberish.
Laura is a
patient soul though. She gave the pupil one more chance. He must have thought
of a Plan B, surely?
And this was
the moment for Jez’s coup de grâce.
His Plan B was to continue to negotiate
to achieve Plan A!
As wags on social media have pointed out, Plan A took so
long to come along, it’s a bit much to ask for B quite so soon.
So Labour has shifted its position.
The speech had been billed by minders in advance as being ‘seismic’. 10 days ago, there was an earthquake
in Swansea that troubled the Richter Scale rather more.
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